Apr 3

Last night, Rach and I (isn’t it strange how many Snubian posts begin with those words?) had a lovely evening in the company of Jaye, Archduchess of Newtown. On the train home at around 10:30 PM, somewhere between Central and Strathfield, there appeared in our carriage a young man, who sat in a double seat a few rows away from us. He was carrying a large framed picture, probably 30 cm x 50 cm, which he carefully placed on the seat opposite him. This is the picture:

At the bottom of the picture, in a sort of scroll, were written the words “JESUS, I TRUST IN YOU”.

This struck me, and most other people who witnessed it, as a little bit odd. People would walk down the aisle, pause and do a double take at the picture, sitting propped up on the train seat. A drunk dude stumbled by and sat down next to the picture. He tried, unsuccessfully, to engage the young man in conversation, presumably to figure out exactly what was going on here. After an awkward few moments he got up and staggered off to find some other passengers to torment.

For those that don’t know, the order of stations on the express Northern Line train is Central -> Strathfield -> Epping -> Hornsby. Between Epping and Hornsby a pack of Cityrail Nazis invaded the train and began demanding to see passengers’ tickets. When they got to Religious Dude he dutifully held up a ticket. The ticket inspector looked at it, started to walk away, and then leaned in to take a closer look.

“This ticket is to Strathfield”, he said.

Interpretation: You bought a ticket from Central to Strathfield – the cheapest possible ticket – while intending to travel beyond Strathfield. If I had thirty pieces of silver for each time someone tried this trick I’d be a rich man, Jesus boy.

Religious Dude ummed and aahed and managed to concoct the following explanation: He actually wanted to get off at Strathfield, but had missed his stop.

Train Nazi was having none of this.

“But we’re past Epping now. Why didn’t you get off at Epping?”

Religious Dude had that one covered too. He was concerned that if he got off at Epping he would have trouble getting a train back to Strathfield, so he figured he would stay on the train until Hornsby and get off there. This is obviously a pile of steaming shite.

A brief discussion ensued, with the result being that Religious Dude could get off at Hornsby. Without a fine. I wonder whether he would’ve got off as lightly if he didn’t happen to be carrying a framed portrait of Jesus of Nazareth. Crooked cap and skateboard, BAD; picture of Jesus, GOOD.

But I ask you this: Whatever happened to “Thou shalt not steal”?

It turns out Rach is a distant acquaintance of Religious Dude. He lives on the Central Coast, so certainly would’ve travelled some distance on his commandment-breaking ticket scam. He is also apparently a Christadelphian, a wacky Christian group who believe, among other things, that Jesus will return to earth at some point to take control and get the whole Kingdom of God thing happening.

Whatever.

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