Mar 18
The Takaluas
icon4 Mar 18th, 2008 | icon2 Neighbours |

Next door to us live an islander family. We call them the Takaluas, after Jonah Takalua from Summer Heights High. I don’t believe we are racist, we just like to make ourselves laugh. There are four Takaluas: mum and dad, and a daughter and son. The son is about four years old – it’s difficult to tell – and can often be seen acting strangely. We call him Fubar, which is a name I suggested. Fubar comes from the US Army term FUBAR meaning “fucked up beyond all recognition”. Fubar Takalua.

The other members of the family appear relatively normal for the area in which we live. The mother seems nice and we have nodded to each other once or twice. The father works at night, or at least I suspect this is the case. We share a driveway so when he comes and goes we know about it. He leaves every night at about 9:30 PM. As he drives down our driveway Fubar can be heard yelling “bye! bye! bye!”. He continues to do this even when his father is well out of earshot. “Bye! bye!” Fubar likes to stay up very late for a four-year-old.

The daughter is about ten I think, and she plays with her little brother Fubar. Mostly they play tennis or basketball. There is also another woman I have seen but I don’t know who she is. Maybe an aunty. One time a whole lot of men came in a car and had a small party. They also had the bonnet of the car up and were looking inside. There is a little building, like a granny flat, that I think the Takaluas own, but I don’t know what is inside or who might live there.

Fubar sometimes gets up to mischief. When we were moving in he would run up to our door, yell “Fuck!” and then run away. I tried to be nice to him but it’s difficult to be nice to someone who runs up to the door of your home screaming obscenities. He was also getting under the feet of the removalists while they were trying to carry our fridge into the house. Eventually I got mad and told him to go away.

About a month ago I noticed Fubar walking down the driveway past the front of our house. (He is often seen wandering alone, he is very independent.) I heard him talking to himself, and then I heard noises like things hitting our roof. I suspected Fubar was throwing pebbles at our house which got me angry. When I opened the door to tell him to stop he ran away. I waited at the front window, and when he walked by I yelled out “Hey!” and he jumped about two feet in the air. I don’t like scaring little kids but I think he deserved it. I then told him to stay away from our house and don’t throw things. He muttered something, pointed down the driveway and continued on his merry way.

I worry that one day I will run over Fubar with my car.

One Response

  1. kazzibee Says:

    hey, if perchance you DID run over little Fubar, perhaps you could just intermittently drag a chainy thing around their house and occiasionally go up aside one of their windows and shout “fuck!” and whenever they go out just say “bye! bye! bye!” until they are well out of earshot …. and they won’t even notice! After a while, this would get tiring, but you could just set up recorded messages around the place to do the coverup for you.